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[14:32:15] Janet: The squirrels have learned to use calculators.

[14:32:22] Mike: That’s impossible. They don’t have thumbs.

[14:32:28] Janet: They’re using their tails! I saw one doing calculus outside my window this morning.

[14:32:35] Mike: We need bigger bird feeders immediately.

[14:32:41] Dr. Peterson: Wait, wait. Let’s be scientific about this. What kind of calculator?

[14:32:48] Janet: A TI-84. The gray one. It was solving quadratic equations.

[14:32:55] Mike: This is worse than I thought. They’ve progressed beyond basic arithmetic.

[14:33:02] Dr. Peterson: Did it show its work?

[14:33:07] Janet: That’s the terrifying part – yes. Perfect penmanship with tiny acorns as pencils.

[14:33:15] Mike: My grandmother always said this day would come.

[14:33:21] Dr. Peterson: Your grandmother predicted mathematically gifted squirrels?

[14:33:28] Mike: She was very wise. Also slightly unhinged.

[14:33:34] Janet: The squirrel looked me dead in the eye and calculated my mortgage payment faster than I could.

[14:33:42] Dr. Peterson: That’s definitely a threat to national security.

[14:33:48] Mike: Should we contact the Pentagon?

[14:33:53] Janet: I already tried. They hung up when I mentioned the calculus part.

[14:34:01] Dr. Peterson: We need to develop counter-mathematics. Fight fire with fire.

[14:34:08] Mike: I volunteer to learn algebra again.

[14:34:14] Janet: It’s too late for that. This morning I saw three squirrels working together on what appeared to be differential equations.

[14:34:23] Dr. Peterson: Group work? This is evolving rapidly.

[14:34:29] Mike: I’m moving to Antarctica. Penguins can’t do math.

[14:34:36] Janet: Actually, I have some concerning news about penguins and geometry…

[14:34:42] Dr. Peterson: Meeting adjourned. We’re all doomed.

[14:34:47] Mike: Should we at least try the bigger bird feeders?

[14:34:52] Janet: At this point, they’d probably calculate the optimal trajectory to reach them anyway.